Game Characters That Likely Run An Airbnb

Hey everyone. Life’s been a lot lately. My Dad got a triple bypass, and the hospital became my second home this past month. Fortunately, Dad returned in time for the holidays. But he still has plenty of recovery ahead of him, and I can tell I’ll need a vacation by the end of it.

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So where do I want to spend my me-cation this year? I could always book an AirBnB. Maybe I could lounge in a tropical paradise. Or perhaps a fast-paced city weekend will get me energized. I’m still looking, but I bet these video game characters run some swell vacation rentals.

Tom Nook

Tom Nook is a real estate magnate who provides non-interest loans to his residents. You know, like if Donald Trump had any moral decency to his name. I trust he would offer a lovely island vacation home with regular maintenance and 24/7 guest support. (And he actually pays his staff! What a concept.)

Honestly, if I were one of the Animal Crossing residents, I’d always rent my home out. Imagine how much money you could make! Unfortunately, I feel Mr. Nook and his team of lawyers (you know he has them) make his residents sign iron-clad contracts forbidding the practice. After all, there can only be one multi-millionaire forest animal, at least if Nook has anything to say about it.

Ryu

I look up to Street Fighter’s Ryu because he lives the Karate Bohemian lifestyle any artsy millennial could only dream about. Own a house? Forget that! I want to couch surf around the world and create a found family while controlling the demons within.

Still, the Satsui no Hado might as well be called the No-Money-no-Way-o because that’s not a sustainable income. So, how can Ryu support himself without Sugar Daddy Ken to bail him out? I suggest he rents out Genbu Temple.

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Seriously! Genbu Temple looks like it came straight out of Enter The Dragon. Just look at the picturesque Torii archways, the gentle-flowing streams, and the elegant cherry blossoms. And this getaway isn’t exclusively for Bruce Lee fans. The locale would make for a calming spa weekend.

Sounds like we found the hotspot for Bachelorette weekend, girlies!

Michael De Santa

Michael De Santa does well for himself, as you can tell from his seaside therapy sessions, luxury cars, and LA-style mansion. Which I suppose means crime does pay as long as you’re willing to sell out your bank-robbing partner and fake your death. That’s too many extra steps for my taste, but you do you, Michael!

If you’ve played GTA 5, you know Michael returns to his criminal career. But every criminal enterprise needs a front or at least a side hustle. After all, the Madrazo family won’t wait forever for that $2.5 mil. So, why not take that vacation home (Come on. You know he has one.) and start renting it out?

Mr. De Santa better be careful, though. Leaving evidence behind in your Airbnb can lead to nasty guest reviews…and maybe a ten to fifteen-year sentence.

Bowser

OK, so he’s evil. Sure, he’s kidnapped the same woman dozens of times. Yes, I know, he’s the reason you lost your Mario Party star. And yes, I get it. Your dodgy uncle always chooses him as his main in Mario Kart. There are plenty of reasons to despise Bowser.

But don’t tell me you wouldn’t put your grievances aside to vacation in a freaking castle! All Bowser needs to get his rental property up and running is some central A/C (see: surrounding volcanic wasteland). And if a literal king can’t afford some decent air conditioning, that is an issue.

Kirumi Tojo And Teruteru Hanamura

There they are! Those two! You know who they are… just kidding! This is one of my niche weeb picks. DEAL WITH IT!

How do I summarize the Danganronpa series for you? There are all these uber-talented high school kids, and an evil teddy bear-robot holds them hostage, forcing them to kill each other. There are fascist takeovers, mass murders, apocalyptic storylines, and we’re not sure if the last game even happened – but none of that’s essential.

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She’s Kirumi Tojo, the Ultimate Maid. He’s Teruteru Hanamura, the Ultimate Chef. All they need is some seed money from Byakuya Togami, the Ultimate Affluent Prodigy, and their hospitality business is on its way.

FYI: Byakuya Togami is this Macaulay Culkin-looking mofo.

By the way, the Ultimate Maid character is also the Prime Minister of Japan…yeah. Just don’t ask.

Bayonetta

As a native New Yorker, I can’t give Los Ange – I mean, Los Santos all the attention. We need some East Coast representation. Luckily, I went on a deep Reddit dive and learned that Bayonetta lives in a Manhattan apartment with fellow Umbran witch Jeanne. Take THAT, West Coast!

There are some technicalities Bayo will have to work around – like hiding her shady sub-leasing from her landlord and super. But with so many recent theatre school grads coming in, she’ll have an easy time finding renters.

And when all is said and done, why would you pay rent for an apartment you’re not even living in while you globe-trot the world and crossover dimensions hunting angels? That’s money down the Alfheim Portal.

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