References to sexual assault.
Baldur’s Gate 3 understands that romance is complicated. Yes, you can sleep your way around Faerûn, but always on your terms, and always a little differently each time. It’s not just a cutscene that tells you you’ve completed someone’s quest, it’s part of what makes the character writing so rich.
This can happen in the most unexpected of places. Take the infamous orgy in Act 3 – realising I could round up four lovelies to sleep with my Tav at once was a right laugh at first. Like a little treat hidden away for us lot who are there for a good time. But far from the giggling and blushing I got from a threesome in Dragon Age: Origins, here, I found myself understanding more about the characters afterwards. Halsin opened up to me, and even if Astarion didn’t, the description of how he behaved during the act told me enough – to my surprise, he really didn’t enjoy it.
Moving On From Trauma With Baldur’s Gate 3
The characters of Larian’s RPG are all going through something, and we’re there to help them.
I wasn’t romancing him on this run, so this was my introduction to his feelings towards sex. Now that I’m trying to get with him on my current playthrough, I can see that this was just scratching the surface. And in the end, I think Astarion and the character I designed specifically to get with him would be better off as friends.
Much has been said about how Astarion’s story reflects the healing journey of real-life sexual violence survivors, and it certainly feels intentional. From the obvious, like Cazador forcing him to sleep with others, to the more subtle nods, such as Astarion being the only companion who comforts a player who gives their body away as part of a deal to defeat Raphael, there are so many ways in which Astarion represents this complex, non-linear journey to recovery.
Having now seen Astarion’s romance epilogue, it’s really, really sweet – and a great outcome for him now that he has his freedom. But I’ll always love how breaking off the romance proves to him that he is valued for more than his looks.
It’s fantastic, and not at all anti-sex. Continue on the romance path long enough, and Astarion learns to enjoy it on his own terms. But that isn’t my favourite part of the romance. No, my favourite part so far came when I called it off early on, deciding to just be friends instead.
This moment comes early on in Act 2, provided you’ve made your way to Moonrise Towers. There, you’ll find a vendor called Araj Oblodra. She’s obsessed with blood and quickly notices that Astarion is a vampire. Addressing the player, she asks you if you’ll “lend” Astarion to her, since she gets off on the idea of being bitten by a vampire. Astarion makes it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to do it, but if you’re a prick, you can tell him he really ought to anyway. Just grin and bear it.
If you do the right thing and refuse to treat Astarion like an object, you get some unique dialogue with him the next time you Long Rest. He thanks you for respecting his bodily autonomy – something he’s still getting used to himself – and opens up to you about his inner conflict. He feels that he should have just bitten her since she was offering a powerful potion in return. After all, the word ‘no’ hasn’t been part of his vocabulary for 200 years, so saying it now doesn’t come naturally.
If you’re on the path to romance him, the conversation opens up even further. You can call out the fact that, really, he didn’t want to sleep with you before, at least not as much as he acted like he did. He’ll admit this, making it the earliest opportunity for him to come clean about seducing you for his own protection. He will also admit that he now genuinely has feelings for you, but it’s a lot to process when this is probably his first real relationship ever.
This is when, without even thinking about it, I ended our relationship. Not out of bitterness – far from it – but because it felt right. One of the dialogue options you get is to say that you think he needs a friend right now, not a lover, something he wholeheartedly agrees with. You hold hands, and the scene ends, along with the romance. But at least when I speak with him next, he’s not acting anymore, he’s talking with a friend. His first one for as long as he can remember.
I don’t play Baldur’s Gate 3 as myself, but as I roleplayed someone who loves Astarion and wants what is best for him, it felt right. After all, there’s nothing worse than finding out that someone was only hanging around you for sex, so realizing the opposite is true is a gift. It’s a feeling of safety like no other, and I can’t help but feel Astarion sees it like this too.
Sex isn’t a reward, it’s just one of the ways to get to the true prize – knowing a little bit more about this character.
I’ve seen the rest of what the Astarion romance has to offer later in the game, and it’s all incredibly healthy too. There’s nothing wrong with choosing that path, and I’ll most likely end up reloading a save so I can see where a more romantic connection leads. But even with that in mind, ending it here is my favourite part of the Astarion relationship.
In truth, I couldn’t help but feel closer to him on my first playthrough, when we were just friends who shared that one, uncomfortable night together. It may have taken me longer to learn about his trauma, but it felt like a real bond. Like Astarion suggests when he’s seducing you in Act 1, I think he just wants to be seen – really seen – and understood. Especially when he’s still struggling to understand himself in this new world in the sun.
This is the kind of storytelling you can only get when you stray from the typical RPG romance structure, and it’s beautiful. In some ways, he and my first character were platonic soulmates. They weren’t right for each other romantically, but that gave them a stronger bond than ever – a rare feat in an RPG with romance options.
Every romance in the game is unique. If I were with Gale right now, he’d be on the cusp of blowing himself up and declaring his love to me (I know this because that is exactly what he did one Long Rest after Astarion and I parted ways). With Karlach on my first playthrough, we were smooching at any given opportunity, making the most of our time together before reality hit us in Baldur’s Gate. But with Astarion, we’ve gone from being all over each other to a respectful distance. Sex isn’t a reward, it’s just one of the ways to get to the true prize – knowing a little bit more about this character.
In Baldur’s Gate 3, sex scenes are never any one thing. They can be sensual, disturbing, fun, or regrettable, or none of these things at all. Astarion’s first scene in Act 1 can seem like a prize for the player at first, but as you learn more about him, it’s much more complicated than that. I’m looking forward to experiencing what the Astarion romance has to offer now that we’ve opened up to each other, but I don’t think anything will beat how it felt for us to be friends who slept together one time.
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